Angry Teacher

Hi everyone. There is something very important that I want to get off my chest. I had a long and very heart-felt discussion with my younger brother today. He has special needs,LD that has not been diagnosed specifically, and VERY low self-esteem. For years he has been shy and oh so quiet, even at home. My mom was the same way when she was a girl but grew out of it by her senior year of high school but still has some issues. My dad and I were the social butterflies in school and had lots of friends and were the ones you also didn't mess with because even though we are friendly and not loud, we don't take to kindly to disrespect. I stress that so much in the classroom. I never want my students to disrespect each other or themselves. I want them to be proud of themselves, their classmates, and their school. Anyway, my brother is 20 years old and of course is not at the mental or cognitive level of a typical 20 year old. I was just explaining the inauguration today to him. For the past few years he has seemed to be really depressed. He doesn't smile and feels bad for even laughing. Today as we watched the inauguration festivities on tv I kept noticing how he just looks so unhappy and rubs his head as if he is stressed. I had to figure it out because he goes around angry all the time like everyone is against him.
So I came out and asked him what his problem is. I told him how he looked and how he is always so angry towards everyone and don't talk and don't smile. We talked for almost an hour, mostly him, and I was shocked at what all I heard. He told me how he didn't feel comfortable smiling or being happy because others are so mean and approach him with attitudes. He feels that he should do the same then. As he kept talking, the root of all this came out. When he was still in school, he asked a teacher a question and was unsure about her answer and asked her was she sure. He told me that after she answered him she turned away with an attitude and mumbled something under her breath. He said he felt bad about asking then. He said that ever since then she would look at him differently than the other kids and gave him mean looks. He would be afraid to walk past her or speak and she would then get on to him for not speaking. One day she was yellling at another student in the class and he just knew she was going to yell at him so then he became even more nervous about not knowing how to do something or making mistakes. Another day, the teacher's son was there and spoke to my brother and the teacher mumbled to her son, "Don't speak to him." My brother said that after that he didn't feel like doing anything, didn't feel like being nice or happy, and didn't feel like eating, and didn't feel like going outside or doing anything outside of his room. That hurt me so much because a few years back he did stop eating and lost soooo much weight! I weighed more than him and I'm a small 5'2'' petite lil' thing! My parents stayed on him and got him into eating again to gain that weight back but he never said what was going on.
He also told me how the other kids would not throw him the ball during games and would tell others not to. He didn't feel the need to be happy or nice because everywhere he turned someone was basically being ugly to him. After he finished "opening up" I was fighting back the tears. I then asked him he want to be happy and he honestly told me "no" because he knows it will not last and something else will happen to mess it up. He doesn't understand the reality that people of the world will be ugly but you have to look beyond that make room for those that are truely caring and loving.
Afterwards, I went to room and cried. I was hurt at all the mean things he went through and not having the understanding to deal with it. I was hurt that, as a teacher, I'm not sure how to help him. And also, I was hurt that a TEACHER was a contributor to this! I was so upset. I just wanted to go right up to that school and give that teacher a piece of my mind but that would be doing the opposite of how I just told my brother to deal with negative things. So I thought I'd go see my mom at her job and ask her some things since she dealt with low self-esteem.
I get to my mom's office and made small talk until she asked me what I was really there for. I told her. I could just see her heart sink. I asked her if she knew about any of it and she said no. All she knew was of one incident where the teachers was complaining to the class about something and he felt like they were targeting him. My mom went to the school and spoke with the principle and the teachers and they told her that they were talking about another student and my brother was a wonderful student. My mom said she knew something was up because it's like he got worst. But she said they weren't the only teachers. She said even back when he was in kindergarten she was told that his teacher would laugh at him. I was shocked to hear that because I know the teacher she was talking about. Even at the private school my parents put him in was saying stuff too. I don't know how my parents did it but I would have had to take some kind of action.
But it also just burns my heart to know that teachers act this way! I almost feel ashamed to carry the same title as these "teachers" because in my eyes teachers don't do that! I don't know if it is because I am a new teacher that I feel this way and I use emphasis on the 'almost' feel ashamed because I LOVE what I do and my students are the ones why I come home everyday with a smile. They may try me at times and have OUTRAGEOUS moments, but I always let them know I care and they are still special to me. They may make me unhappy or not proud by some choices they make but tomorrow is a new day. I hold nothing against them because it is a learning process. They know my expectations and they know the consequences. The choice is theirs. They are accountable. I can only be appreciative and proud, or disappointed. I will let them know when I am disappointed and WHY and then it's all up to them and I still care. Am I just being naive? I don't think so.
I am so hurt as a sister and deeply disappointed as a teacher. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to help my brother and work on being a teacher that uplifts students and not tear them down. I NEVER want to have that kind of effect on a student. So I am an angry teacher right now and thinks that we teachers need to do so much better! We are such a big influence we don't even realize it sometimes.

Lets continue to make POSITIVE influences on our students!!!